The day i told myself i wont post a blog but i still did anyway coz i cant figure out something better to do...

So i face my computer with a lot of things racing through my head. I didnt go to work today because its Tuesday. Im off on Tuesdays and Thursdays and weekends. I spent the day designing and finishing a backdrop for my church's 15th year anniversary celebration on Sunday. It should be fun!!! I had so much doing the art works and stuff. Ive missed being creative. Sometimes i feel like things come too easy nowadays that many situations dont warrant much thinking anymore. Well, its just my own opinion. ..

Anyway, I love art really. Today my friend made me look at this real nice world-class painting and asked me to write a reaction on it. Just one paragraph. Im thankful that he didnt make me do anything longer than that 'cause I dont think I would have had enough zest to force out of myself to do it. I happen to have written his lil sister's book report too last week so I feel like I've had "a little" enough of stuff that reminds me of my "sweet school days".

Wait, im not done with this blog yet but im kinda sleepy so maybe i'll just write something better the next time i tell myself i wont post a blog but still do it anyway coz i cant figure out something better to do...

Or I could write about a dead roach or something...

About the dead mouse behind my closet

Yes, I can't believe im posting a blog entry about a dead mouse, but uhumm I'm doing it. Ive not been online for ages and I actually feel like I'm doing this all over again...like I'm new on the internet or something... like this is the first time I've ever blogged... NOT! Hahaha! I'm just trying to recondition myself here.

Okay, back to the ridiculous dead mouse story...

I was cleaning up my room after about 48 years and tadaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.... I saw a dead little mouse behind my closet. So here I go shriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!!!

"What's wrong?" It's my brother to the rescue.
Poker face. "A dead mouse, look." I said trying to look sheepish so he'd help me get rid of it.
"Oh please... You're not afraid of live mice." Yeah, my sheepish face didnt work. And he wasnt there to the rescue after all.
"Yeah but this is dead. Its different. Its creepier when its dead...And it stinks too..." I argued.
I think I saw my brother in an expression of wanting to erase his face or something.
"You're hopeless..." he said and took the dustpan and swept the dead mouse away.

Yay bro! And that's basically the story of the dead mouse.

What i'm trying to point out here is not the fact that I'm such a whiny little scaredy cat (I'm scared of even big dead spiders too) or that i hate dead mice. Truth is, I dunno why im writing about this. But its a simple scenario of my not-so-simple life that made so much impact on me. There are lessons to learn from a dead mouse. Lessons of courage. I know i shouldn't have shrieked. I could have swept it out myself and spared myself of being called hopeless and feeling like a total whining loser. And there's the realization that a dead mouse is kinda like spilt milk...its something not worth crying over (or in this case, shrieking over). And there's the other realization that yeah, I guess I really am hopeless sometimes. And that sometimes, my brother does little heroic acts I take for granted because I'm busy being self-centered and trying to be a hero myself.

Oh and yeah, I should be cleaning up my room more frequently.

Well, there's lots to learn from a dead mouse, indeed.

Ghosts

There are ghosts at my work place. Lots of them of all shapes and sizes. I could also mean just the annoying people that my friends and i refer to as "ghosts", but in this case i mean the entities from the other realm. Yes, the real goosebump-causing, hair-raising ones.

I saw a man wearing white standing 5 meters away from me outside the kitchen behind a glass wall that lead to the stairs. He was watching me drain the sterilized hospital trays. His top looked like a chef's uniform, but i couldn't see his face. I went back into the room and told my staff about him. It was a bit odd having someone there, we thought, because we are on the third floor and nobody really comes up there just for the mere purpose of watching. In the first place, there's nothing worthy of watching in the dietary department... except maybe the food??

My staff said that the man could just be the guy who sometimes goes up to our floor to clean up. I agreed and went back outside to go on with what i was doing. I looked at where he was standing but he was gone. I roamed my eyes throughout the whole area but he was nowhere to be found, so i just stopped looking. After about ten seconds, i accidentally just looked and i found him standing near the spot where he previously stood and he was still watching. It gave me the creeps and I wondered where he came from cause he got there so fast, but I went inside not saying a thing. I just kept on convincing myself that it was a hospital personnel.

That was until the "clean-up" guy came in rushing to tell us the news that a patient downstairs, whose room was near the spot where I saw the man, saw a creepy figure opening the room door. That patient asked to be transferred to another room. I asked the guy if he was the one watching me drain the trays. He said it wasnt him. So we rushed to the exact site where I saw the man. We found out that he was standing in a spot that is not possible to be stood upon by a normal person. The area was covered with grills that couldnt be pushed and there was no way any ordinary person can get in there.

There was a bit of a commotion when people learned about my "sighting". They wanted to know how "he" looked like and if he floated or what. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and make "him" think he's so important. He's not. He's just some bored entity trying to scare the heck out of me. Then people started telling me their own experiences and those of others. They told me about babies crying at night, patients being awakened by a mystery person, a man wearing black, a little girl, a cat following a nurse, a lady wearing white in the x-ray room, a head floating around...

With everything I heard, I just kind of automatically got used to the idea that I have more to see so I guess I've somehow prepared for it.

And yesterday it happened again. I saw a shadow on the wall and it walked really fast, like it was trying to escape from my presence. That was right after the hospital administrator herself had her first share of the creeps. She was inside a room checking on a sleeping patient and the doorknob suddenly turned. And it just kept turning like the person outside was having a hard time getting in for some reason. She just stared at it for a moment and she saw that the door was not even locked. She thought that a nurse was trying to get in to check on the vital signs of the patient, so the doctor opened the door. But yeah you guessed it, there was nobody outside the door. There was not even a single person on the floor. So she rushed to the nurses' station and asked everyone if anybody went to that room. Of course there was no one. Anyway, the shadow that I saw was at the wall of that same room. I think it went real fast cause I was singing something that it couldnt take.

Everytime I pass by those areas now, I sing. I think it makes them tremble. Funny. And I enjoy the idea of scaring them. I only wish it scares the "other ghosts" too so they would shut up and mind their own beeswaxes!

I think i was a boy in my past life...

Hahaha! (Okay, how many blogs should start with hahaha?). Its a signal that this is going to be pretty insane.

I don't believe in past lives really, but i still say this statement coz theres no other way i can think of putting it. It just got into me how I seem to like doing boy stuff. I like to play the drums (Yes, the drums magnetize me and when i see one, I rush to play even when im wearing a skirt! Mock me!). I like cars and races. I like video games. I like watching NBA and NFL. But no, I don't like women. Just because I'm having "men fatigue" doesn't mean I'm gay. Uh-ugh. I'm just a girl cowboy...or something. Hahaha!

Maybe this is the reason why its easy for me to be friends and get along well with guys. My social circle isn't an all-girly group either. The only problem I usually have is that men start to eventually ask for more than friendship. It happens many times. Sometimes I feel like its not really possible to keep something "platonic" with them. But I do have guy friends who are just there to stay insane and goof around through thick or thin, in sickness or in health.

I'm close with my bro as well. We went to the same schools together and I remember that when we used to bump into each other in campus, we were either borrowing money to buy junkies or telling each other to piss off and keep away from each other's friends. He's two years younger than me. We fight a lot, yeah. That's normal...especially that we're both obnoxious beings who emerged from the same unobnoxious womb. But my brother influences my liking for basketball and football. He's the only sibling I have, by the way. I have two older "sisters", who are my cousins and whom I'm very close with as well. They were the ones responsible for "honing" the girly side of me... I'm just guessing.

My dad's one of my best friends as well (My mom too, but were talking about the origin of my "boyhood" and its influences). He doesnt treat me like a boy but he's my jogging bud. And he's the funniest guy I know. I think I got a huge part of the insanity from him ( Too bad he won't read this). His jokes are hilarious and whenever he's around, there's always laughter. He has very creative ways of telling you his friend's names. He gives out funny clues and stuff and until you're almost choking from too much laughing, he won't stop. Yep, that's my dad. When he talks about serious things like the fact that I would be married in the future, he puts in a way that is not irritatingly pressuringly baffling. That I'm close with him makes me feel like any "men problems" I may have can just be laughed off. Not that they should ot be taken seriously. They should just be taken lightly. The song "Butterfly Kisses" tells our story. Its about a dad singing a song about his little girl from the time she learned how to ride a pony to when she turned 16 to when he had to give her away on her wedding day...

Okay, before this turns into something gooeystick, I have to find my point. My point is that there's my dad and bro to blame for my boyish interests. This is something rather inconspicuous really. People don't think these are what I like to do until they see me hitting the drum set wearing a nicey-nicey skirty with dangling earrings and makeup. Or till they learn I cheer for Lakers like there's no tomorrow and that I know the history of the NBA.

Case closed. I'm a boy. Live with it.

And no, Ricky D, I don't smile more widely about the dessert thing (In reference to the comment I got to the blog entry below this). I pretend I don't hear it. Thats easier. ;-)

My Thoughts Disintegrated

So I'm supposed to be in my office now but i went out looking for a computer shop where I can blog. Yes, I'm this terrible! I'm bored.

I now work in a hospital as Chief Dietitian. I started Monday of last week. And well, I got my first pay yesterday. Yay! Thats awesome, I know. I can go shopping this weekend. At this hour, it usually gets real boring coz theres nothing to do. And I'm allowed to go out. So here I am now doing something totally not related to my job. It's called de-stressing.

Hey I need a break anyway. I've not really asked for a break out loud but they gave me one now. I've not been in-front of the computer for days coz i get totally exhausted and when I get home, I'd be a dead cabbage. I'd just take a shower and crash. No more quality time with my pc. Yes, no dinner too. I'm an undernourished nutritionist. My mom got a good look of me the other day and she was like, "You look like a stick." And I replied, "At least a smiling stick, ma!"

Starting next week, I can already report to work on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays only. But for my first two weeks (which will end this Friday), I have to be at the hospital everyday to familiarize myself with the routines and stuff. But I'm already familiar. SO now I'm re-familiarizing myself with my blogging habit.

For days, I've been putting up with everyone getting so excited to "meet the newbie". I'm glad everyone's been nice. But i've also been putting up with this doctor who goes to my area after lunch declaring that my smile is his dessert. And this other guy who keeps popping on the fridge near my office to get water about 7 times in a minute and then asking me stuff like how old i am or where i live or do i have a boyfriend tralalala. And these buncha students doing on-the-job training who hang out near the stairs that lead to the Dietary Department. There are men everywhere. My friends say they think I should wear a helmet. But I dont need that. My defenses are up even if I don't tell them. It's called "men fatigue".

Anyway, my friend Michael is helping me with my moving to Australia. I've changed my mind about going to Singapore to work. I've just laid out better plans, which I'm still prayin for.

Before I got this job, my thoughts were disintegrated. They were everywhere and no one could talk to me straight. All I could do right was to write poetry. BUt then this job came and the hope of getting the paper I need to go to Australia. I'm just thankful. I see a little direction now. ANd I'm really happy about how things are going.

This job is tiring. Really tiring. There's no elevator and my department is on the third floor while my office and the nurses' station is on the first floor. Imagine how many times I have to go up and down in a day. My consolation is that my staff's a crazy and happy bunch. They keep me sane.

And yes, Im ready to throw away the treadmill.

Okay, I gotta go back to the hospital now.