There’s a little part of my brain that speaks to itself. Or so I explain to myself to counter this “questionable” behaviour that I have. I have this habit of thinking out loud when I’m all alone. I don’t do it when I’m in a public place or if I’m with anyone—just when I’m all by myself.
I don’t even tell myself not to do it when I’m around people. The habit just seems to automatically shut off. It amazes me because I have a friend who does the same thing, but she does it everywhere. She can’t control it. She does it in the fast food queues when were waiting for our turns to order. She used to it when we were taking our exams in school. She would snap into it even in the middle of a conversation as if she suddenly fell into her own world. She does it in every situation that requires thinking or decision-making. And she does it loud enough for another person to hear and think that her bolts might be going unscrewed.
I tell her that I find that habit of hers funny. I also admitted to her that if I didn’t happen to know her, I’d surely think she’s some weirdo who’s a definite candidate for a mental asylum lock-up. But I definitely do know that is not true. We would just laugh about it but she would tell me she doesn’t really care what people think anymore. She used to do it as a child when there was nobody to talk to. It’s a habit she cannot seem to outgrow and she just lets it overcome her everyday of her life, “like making her brain her best friend and talking to it without any care about what other people would think or say”. It seems like she has made it a “de-stressing” habit. I see it as a sort of a “release” or well, maybe I can call it liberation. It’s like telling other people, “Back off! I’m using my own brains now and if you can’t do the same, mind your own beeswax!”
I’m sure she’s not the only person on earth who does the same thing. Well, “mental patients” really do that and would blab about whatsoever. But I’m sure there are those who are really just plain “thinking out loud to themselves”—in public. I’ve never really given this much thought before but I used to scoff at people who do this. I would, as anyone’s probable initial reaction, think they are just too weird and are about to attack the persons to their immediate surroundings. In short, unfair as I am to judge them like that, I conclude that they’re probably crazy.
Then I realized I actually do the same thing sometimes. I don’t do it with an audience, but I still do talk to myself. Sometimes, in the middle of doing it, I’d feel a bit silly but I wouldn’t really mind because I know I’m not crazy. Even if I talk to myself all day, I wouldn’t stand in front of the mirror to turn my nose up at myself. I know it’s just normal to think out loud.
I was in a bit of a struggle trying to find my point on reflecting upon this. I think I have found it now. There are things we do that most people would not understand or would find weird or crazy. It’s not just thinking out loud or talking to ourselves. It could also be things like wanting to be alone or not talking. We may not be able to explain to them our reasons for doing these things or sometimes, we’re not given the chance. Sometimes too, we don’t think it’s worth the effort to explain or we simply just don’t care what they say or think.
If I didn’t know my friend well, I would probably find her different too and even judge her unfit of my company. I know it’s harsh. I’m glad I know her story.
You might not like a person for being “weird”, but that person surely has a story. The story could be inspiring or heart-wrenching or uninteresting to you, but it could be something big to that person. So unless you know it, it’s best not to judge. Unless the person really suddenly attacks or starts to pull someone’s hair, it’s better to look at him as another normal human being. You should still be as careful and vigilant as you can be or want to, but its best to learn how to mind your own business in moments that call for it.
