Loosening it up

Dont you notice that there are times when it seems like the more you tighten your grip on something, the more it slips away? There is nothing you can really hold on to even with your firmest grip. It feels like some bad reaction to a hallucigenic drug. Life can be such a big bummer sometimes!

Drat. There are just a lot of thoughts I cannot let go. Thoughts like, what will I be like in the next six months? Or, is this person really who I think he or she is or says? I wish I didnt have to care if promises would get broken or not... or if the things I've been planning on would really push through or not... or if this shampoo would really get rid of split ends or not, etc... Uncertainties drive me insane.

Well, I guess the lesson behind all these thoughts is that I dont really have to hold on to anything too tightly. I should just be happy about the present. I have met so many new people that have made a difference in my life and everyday they give me a reason to believe that even if  things that matter to me do slip away, it would  always be good to look back on the better things and to keep hoping for the next good ones. For everything, I should be thankful... and prayerful.

I got this beautiful text message a few days ago (I just added a few more lines):

When everything goes wrong, PUSH.

When you wish for something, PUSH.

When people dont understand you, PUSH.

When things are uncertain, PUSH.

When you can't see what's behind the door, PUSH.

PUSH. PUSH. PUSH. PUSH.

P - RAY

U- NTIL

S- OMETHING

H- APPENS

I know it doesnt mean "SIT THERE IDLY AND KEEP MURMURING YOUR NEEDS HEAVENWARDS." Its just that there are times when it seems like we've exhausted all our energies trying to figure out things or find results but still we cant seem to find what we long to see or feel. The truth in this is, we cannot do the digging, the searching, the maintaining, the figuring out... There are times when we need to take a break and rest. These are the particular points in time when we have to stay still and loosen our tight grips and let go... and let God.

 

Sunsets and all that

Photo by Dan

The sunset indicates the end of a cycle or condition. It is a period of rest, renewal, and evaluation.

Well, i'm exactly in that period of my life right now. Previously, I shared that I wanted to stop being so obsessed with the things that I'm expecting to happen. I learned another very valuable lesson from a person I look up to recently. IT IS BETTER TO HOPE THAN TO EXPECT. I thought it seemed like hoping and expecting are the same things. But thinking more deeply about it, they are not.

Expecting is wanting so much for something to happen and not giving allowance or preparation to the possibility that it may not. Hoping, on the other hand, is looking forward to something approaching but at the same time, telling yourself that if it doesnt happen, you will still be alright. Preparation makes the difference. And even faith big time.

Photo by Dan


Now, Im still doing a lot of things but I can say that Im resting just the same. I am resting from waiting. I am evaluating my daily routines from my waking up to staring at the ceiling to going to work to type away all day to going home to sleeping to waking up again... It's all meaningless. Life is short.

My closest friend in college just flew to Los Angeles to get her Master's Degree. She is going to do something that she has always wanted but she never expected she would get there so soon. I envy her a bit as I have been wanting so badly to fly over to Baltimore and I have been expecting it but it has not happened yet. But I realized that different people are meant to do different things according to the measure of faith they have been given. I am where I am right now to do fulfilling things. In the next three Sundays, I will be speaking to four towns about the Leadership Training Program at Church. In May, I will fly to Thailand to join the mission outreach. I am still busy with my youth group and the band and the worship leading team and having fun with my job. And wow, I am in-love with the best guy in the world too! I almost overlooked all these things. I am glad with the way my life is being used by God and for all the nice, cute and cuddly angels of different forms, sizes, and shapes that He sends my way everyday. Life is fun!

Photo by Dan


I am glad for the privilege to hope. I have wonderful hopes lined up. Not expectations. Hopes. And even if they may not come out the way I wanted them to or in the time I wished they would arrive, I know I am enjoying my life. And Im giving glory to Whom it is due.

I love the sunset!!! :)



Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be.
Remind me that my days are numbered--how fleeting my life is.
You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand
My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;
at best, each of us is but a breath.
Psalm 39:4-5

It helps to NOT WAIT and just hustle

I am by nature impatient. I guess Im a little brat too. Im used to getting things in my own time frame either because I work hard for it or persuade whoever promised to give them to me to make sure they give them on time. So usually, i dont wait any longer than I expect to. But these days, it seems like I'm being taught this valuable virtue of patience because all the very important things that I expect to happen in my life seem to need a lot of waiting. I can't stand it. The more I wait, I realize, the more I can't get things done.

1. My funds for the Thailand mission trip in May>> I can't wait to hear from my would-be sponsors

2. My "go signal" papers for Baltimore >> Until I get these, a lot of things can't happen yet, like:

-I can't take my American Dietetic Association (ADA) Exam
-I can't go to New York to meet up with my best friend D
-I can't meet up with my former roommate at Parkville
-I can't concentrate

These are the two things I am currently waiting for. Argh!

Lately, though, I have learned that it helps to forget about waiting (even for just a few minutes). One book I read talked about hustling while waiting. This means not being stupid just waiting and waiting but doing what you have to do while you wait. I could use that. You know, take time to smell the flowers, or just do my job instead of getting irritated that I'm still not getting these things. My mind has to rest. Where is my faith? Siiigghhh... (I dont feel Im making any sense but I know I got to my point.)

(photo by Dan. Crabapple tree in his backyard.)

"Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10)

Burpday Blog

I always do this. I think I had another one like this with the same title last year. Or I'm not sure.

Anyway, today is my birthday (not that I think people would care haha) but it's an awesome day so i guess its blog-worthy. I'm 24 now and lots of things have changed blahblahblah... but I still hate spiders! Eeeew. Yuk!


This photo was sent to me by my best buddy D. He sure knows how to bring the nuts out of me. And that's a HUGE spider from Australia! Yuk.

Yup, this is a marvelous day! I got two early phone calls from two very close friends and heaps of text messages. You know when youre excited about something and yet you dont know what about or why but you know something exciting's about to happen? That's how I feel!

But I still hate spiders. I guess that will not change. Yuck.

When it's over

In three days, I'm turning a year older. No time for cheese though. I'm too busy to get myself nuts with the past. But I have to take a break now to blog. I havent been updating. Why does it bother me when I dont get to update? Hmmm...

Anyway, when a person so dear to you (uhrrrmm... call it a past love and good friend) does not call, respond to your emails or even send you sms anymore, it means that its totally over between the two of you, am i right? So when a person does that (im talking about ditching you without clue)... even if you were good friends and you dont remember anything that you did that might have caused him to "evaporate"... you're just going to leave it all behind, right? Even when it kinda' hurts coz you dont understand why and you still do have the hope that the both of you used to hold that one day, there would still be "the two of you"?

Oh I know the answer to all of these questions. Its a simple resounding YES.

Anyway yeah, this is about me. Im moderately stupid for still dwelling on this (just moderately though). Im thankful that just before I turn another year older, I make all these new realizations and learn new lessons. My lesson for this year is "learn to let go (and do it with poise please)". A friend of mine told me he hates birthdays and I wondered why. I guess it just doesnt matter much to some people but for me, I find this time of the year meaningful everytime.

I think I'm over him. I dont know what he's thinking. Sometimes it drives me crazy. I really did fall for him. But as I said in a past entry, this is a year of lots of "moving on's" and "stepping forward's".

I have a clearer view of my plans for the future. I am grateful for the new friends I have. Soon, I will fall in love again. Undoubtedly. But for now, I am trying not to awaken love till its time. I dont want to make the same mistake.

Time to fly, goose!

I Wish I Were a Bear

I Wish I Were a Bear

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate.
You do nothing but sleep for six months.
I could get used to that.

And another thing: before you hibernate,
You're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
That wouldn't bother me either.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business;
You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too.

Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up.
He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat.
He likes it!

I wish I were a bear.

-Source unknown
<

Who's your bucket of cold water?

I feel like I've been eating too much these past few days and it annoys me, but its weird coz I always feel like wanting to munch on something. My cousin, knowing how such a weight freak I tend to be sometimes, gave me his first warning: "Tsk tsk, I gained 5 kilos the last time I was like that..." I couldn't say anything, I felt defenseless. I'm a dietitian and I'm supposed to know what to say. But I knew that I'm not on the right grounds since my cousin knows all the kinds of junk I have been stuffing myself lately. And thats what makes me feel so guilty, its driving me crazy. Plus, I have not been able to visit the gym that regularly since November 'cause I've been so busy.

*********************************************
Its been quite tiring the past weeks and I have so much to do. My youth group is opening our very first school outreach ministry so we've been quite on the run about that. And then theres band practice and too many things to write... and so many other tralala's. Too much to do really drives me insane. But so is not doing anything so I guess I'd rather do something. I can't anymore complain.

Too many things bug my head and I've been sharing them with my best buddy D and he called me a doof for thinking those things. I felt a splash of cold water all over me... like a little reality wake-up call. Sometimes when our heads get clouded with so many things, we tend to veer away from the realities of life and we get paranoid with some things and we freak out. We need people who would give us a little slap to wake up. I really thank D for being sorta like my reality checker... and my water bucket. He's fasting this week and we wont be chatting but I'm sure to get loads of water splashes from him again when he returns.

***************************************************
Yesterday I was on a little "fight" with my friend. Well, I wouldnt really call it a fight. I just had to be the one to tell his face that he did something wrong and what he did affected some of our other friends and our group as a whole. He was obviously hurt and he sulked in the corners the rest of the day and then he played the drums like he was in a mad fit. I was trying to decide within myself whether I did it the right way or not--telling him the things I said--but people confirmed it to me that he really needed a rebuke. Although I was beginning to get pissed at his actions, I wasnt too worried but sent him a note apologizing for my being "brutally frank". And my cousin (same guy who reminded me about weight watching), sort of rebuked me as well when I was beginning to make comments about how childish our friend was for abusing the drums. He was like, "Hey hey c'mon now, fix yourself!!!" Ooops, there goes another bucket of cold water splashed all over my face! First because my cousin is younger than myself and no one younger really has that much guts to say things like that to me. And second, because I knew I was indeed wrong.

Anyway, this morning I got an email from that drummer friend saying that I shouldnt be the one apologizing and he thanked me for saying all the things I said... and also for being a bit harsh (although I wouldnt say that was just "a bit"). He says it helped him grow up in a way. I guess I've just been someone's bucket of cold water.


Yea, sometimes we need a rebuke...or a slap...or a comment... or a knee-jerk quip from someone...or a splash of cold water just so that we'd wake up and realize we're not always right. ;)

My baby has grown up

This is my baby beagle Whoopie. She's nine months old now (in human age count) and she's superrrrrrrrr!!!

"Money will buy a fine dog, but only love will make him wag its tail." I read this from the Encyclopedia of 15,000 Illustrations. Although I didnt really buy her coz she was given to me as a gift, everytime Whoopie wags her tail enthusiastically, licks my hand (or face if she reaches it) and excitedly jumps to reach my nose whenever I get home, I never cease to be amused. She does that to everyone in the family. Wow, she loves us! I wonder what she's really thinking.


Whoopie's like the youngest child in the family. And she's even more popular than any of us. Neighbors would pass by and they'd call her name and she knows all of them so whenever there's a new face (or smell), she'd bark like nuts! All of the kids love her too, I get jealous sometimes. Haha!

Whoopie sleeps in my brother's room. Of all the weirdest habits that she has, its her knocking on my door early in the morning to wake me up that I find most interesting. She's been doing that since she was little. Its as if to tell me, "Wake up, you have to work, you lazyhead!!!!" She's my official alarm clock and a pretty helpful one coz my mobile phone does not work for me anymore.

So this is Whoopie. Pretty soon she's gonna grow bigger and taller and have a boyfriend. I dunno what her plans are for the future but I wish her all the best! The biggest lesson that she has taught me is all about RESPONSIBILITY. (Wow, Whoopie! I dont know if youve succeeded teaching me that but thanks, I owe you one!)And I promise I'd be her best big sister ever! ;)


It's my little brother's birthday today, by the way! HAPPY BURPDAY, BRO!!! >:D<

Love for a four-year old

This is my 4-year old niece, Shann, undoubtedly my favorite. She taught me the valuable lesson that there are lots of things that money CAN buy. But for everything else, there's a child's smile.


I remember the first time we were teaching her to say "I love you" and she'd say "Wuv yoooo..." And we would just keep telling her that everyday with the biggest hug we can give.


But now that she can say it on her own and better, she'd just bombard us with it till we can't anymore contain it.




"I love you." she'd say out of the blue.

"I know. You keep saying it."

"Yes. You might forget."

Isn't it true? We love people and we know that they know but it makes so much difference telling them. And although love is beyond words, it makes a big difference being told that we are loved than just simply knowing it in our heads, doesnt it?

This, we often forget and take for granted.

"I love you!!!" she'd yell for another time.

I'd smile. "And how big is that love?"


And she'd stretch out her arms as far and wide as she could (even falling sometimes). "As big as thissssssssssssssssssss..." For her, that's infinity. It's without measure.

And that's just the sweetest.

My Utmost for His Highest

GOD BLOGS DO NOT GET COMMENTS! (A friend told me that). People hate it. People squirm at the very thought of it. People clam up when they read it... if they ever read it. But here, I'm going to write a GOD BLOG anyway!


Here’s the stupid thing. We think we have everything. We think we’re so good. Sometimes it’s just too hard for us to admit that everything we have is never complete and everything we are will never really be good enough. No matter how we try to turn it inside and out, that’s how we often are.


Here’s another stupid thing. Most people long most commonly for these things: peace, love, happiness, abundant life, and purpose. They search everywhere and try everything… except God. The irony is that He is the source of all these. And no matter how we try to turn it inside and out, press it down or shake it together, that’s the truth that cannot be killed.


You might not find this the coolest blog I've ever posted, but I am more than happy to be posting it.


Everything I post here has served and continues to serve its purpose in my own life and you might want it for your life too. By sharing, I pay tribute to the One who deserves all the glory. PEACE OUT!!!





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Pictures taken from booklet published by World Wide Publications (Billy Graham Evangelistic Association)

Me and D and Baltimore City

2006 is my year of great expectancy! Not that I never expected great things to happen in the previous years but because I'm growing up (forward, thank Lordy), I feel that this year is going to be so much better. The Chinese call it the "Year of the Dog". But one of the very wise persons I look up to told me a few days ago that although we respect the Chinese folks' belief of the significance of that, we should rather stick with the claim that it is the "Year of the Overflow"!!! That's what she calls "Speaking Faith". Its like commanding your life to be what you want it to be coz, indeed, your life is most likely what you say it is (Just as you are what you think or say you are). So yea, I think its better to keep repeating in your head that you will have overflowing blessings this year than overflowing umm... dogs... hmmm?

1. As I wrote in my previous blog, I expect a lot of moving on's and changes. I feel like I've grown two rulers high in 2005(though I'm still vertically challenged). Moving on... because I'm awaiting my tickets to Baltimore!!! Manila is a great place and it's still my home (and the flying roaches don't change that fact) but the idea of Baltimore gives me the high because it's something different..and new. My aunt's paying for my fare and I'll be helping her tend her business. Its something exhilirating, firstly, coz I'm not sure what exactly I'm going to do and secondly, coz I've never really talked to my aunt all my life until now!!! But its great coz after all the troubles I had with the immigration papers for Australia that I have long been working on, Ive realized that maybe Australia isn't for me...YET. Its a great place and i've been dreaming to go there but I promised myself that I WILL GET THERE ONE DAY. But for now, Baltimore... woohoo!! (My good buddy Matt tells me its terribly cold there though...) :D

Its also great coz I would be in the same hemisphere as all of my Canadian friends and hopefully I'd have the chance to see them in my spare time (if I'd have any). My Canny goose friend Zak promised that he'd fly over to visit me sometime when he returns from his missionary trip to Guatemala and his best friend Rorrie says he'll tour me around Alberta during the spring (If I'm there already by that time)! That's another thing I look forward to with a huge grin.

Aside from all that, I'd also be only 4 hours away from New York City, my favorite place in the world!!! :D

 

2. Another awesome thing I'm expecting this year is meeting up with my best goose, Dan (D, for short..er). We dunno where were meeting up yet though. We're going skydiving (arent we, D?), yipeeeeeeeeee!!! I dunno if that'll ever take away my fear of heights (or if I can really do it to begin with) but the thought rambles my head. We still have to see about that. He's going to be flying to Ireland too in March (from Australia) and so he himself anticipates a lot of exciting new things. But the best thing about D is not his "curly tops" or his boyish good-looks (uhrrrmmm...thats his own description) nor the hilarious song he wrote about me but that he's one real unadulterated unpretentious friend (who's a major goose like me). He has a good head on his shoulders (a dollar for that...mruwahahahaha!) and he always asks me questions I have to research on to be able to answer. Hehehe. This part of this blog is, well ok, a tribute to him (so D, smile ya goose!).

There's more but I have to go back to work...ahehehehe! Peace out!! :)

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Lessons of victory from a flying roach

I anticipate a lot of changes in my life this year. Changes are exciting for me... although scary sometimes. I ponder this cheesiness right now after a short battle with a flying roach, in which i emerged victorious! Ooh, sweet sweet victory! Let me describe this feat a little...


I was thinking of something so noble when suddenly this roach flies above me from out of nowhere! I was actually pondering my shortcomings in the previous year (Uhrrmmm...). Ok and trying to think of what to do with my blog template as well. And there, that ugly thing suddenly flies above me, disrupting all my thoughts. I tried not to scream (because hey, i've been proudly telling everyone in the house that I've "grown up"!). Yea, so maybe out of pride, i gathered all courage to attack that little ugly, smelly thing that came from out of nowhere. What was it doing in my room? Dang!


With all the boldness I have collected for myself, I picked up the Baygon Insect Spray and squirted a "fatal amount" all over that little ugly smelly piece of crap! Wooossshhh! (Of course I felt stupid after, as I always feel whenever I overdo the spraying attack considering that i'm battling with just ONE piece of that little ugly smelly piece of underground nuisance!) But it gave me great joy seeing it going insane in its near-death symptoms. The only problem was that it could fly and so while it tried to fight death in all its squirming ugliness, it kept flying around in its dizzy state. What a pest!


Ok, so I won that little battle yay (Congratulate me!!!)! But i didn't finish my blog template. And as work starts again soon (bye holiday break!), i dont think i can get back to it soon. I was talkin about changes at the start coz I think I'm the kind of person who tries to find ways to enjoy changes. Thats the same reason why I wanted to change the template. I dont like monotony. I love surprising and being surprised.


I have a feeling I might need to do a lot of moving on at the start of this year. I anticipate a lot of surprises (both good and bad) and in the same way, I'm also getting ready to surprise (in a good way). And I'm ready for whatever battle I may have to face. Got all my gears in place. I'm ready to laugh and cry and laugh some more and goose around a little (or okay, a big). One thing I realized is that whenever a door closes, a window always opens... or vice-versa.


So c'mon 2006, I'm ready!!!




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2005 Summary of the Life of a Nobody

I wrote myself this letter last night...



Dear Me,


2005 is over! Wow! How time flies! Can you believe 1982 was 24 years ago?! Next thing you know, youre 26-- the age you plan to get married and be Mrs. Somebody. But dont imagine that yet. It'll arrive. Just as your new motto goes, "Dont awaken love until its time." So finish all that you have to do and worry about all the gooey stuff when you're done fixing yourself first.


Let me summarize 2005 for you the simplest way possible:


- A hospital job
- A writing job
-An almost dead laptop
- Jesus
- Youth camps
- Revival
- Career confusion
- Michael
- Australia
- Whoopie
- "Feeding Whoopie Fights" with bro
- Friends' weddings
- Fashion TV
- House renovations
- Immigration papers
- Songwriting
- A book in progress
- A new computer
- HP 3-in-1 Printer/Scanner/Photocopier
- Concerts
- Band practices
- Song numbers
- Pop star Audition
- Photos
- Junk emails
- Friendster, Myspace, Christianster, Blogger
- Google Mail
- Your website (thanks to Chris)
- Witnessing Opportunities
- Trips to the gym
- Diarrhea
- "I don't care what mean things others do or say to me, I am just going to be the best that I can be" dialogue
- Wrestling with little Shann
- Vocal exercises with little Nicole
- Bath & Body Works Cherry Blossom Moisturizer
- New best friends
- Selfless acts of service
- Humility: BIG WORD
- Inspirations unlimited
- Best goose Daniel
- Badblogs


I believe this is the summary of everything that really mattered. Good or bad, they made you grow in a way or another. Collect more fond memories and be a better person in 2006, k? You do that by growing up. So listen well to the wise sayings and fight the good fight. So yay! Happy New Year!

Love,
Yourself










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Bad blogs

Okay wow, i didnt even know this happens around here but a certain loser actually reposts our blogs on his own page when he thinks its "bad". He calls his webpage BADBLOGS. Hmm... isn't that lame?


I just found out coz a concerned blogger gave me notice by putting a comment on one of my blogs... (which isnt the one featured in the loser's page). Anyway, I commented back,


"I think the person who does this must be more than just bored. He has totally no life at all. As in zero. And what does our blogs mean to him? Bad or good, they are "OUR" blogs and who cares what the mofo thinks? We can write whatever we choose to... even nonsense in our most incoherent moments. Maybe he has no brain. That loser can go on being a lame lowlife and we'll go on blogging... Aight? ;)"


Ok I must admit, that was a bad blog that I had there that he posted on his site but I'm wondering how he caught it. I deleted that blog long before I learned he copied it on his page because I was upset when I wrote it and it was a total nonsense. Hmm he must have so much free time to have found it. It had me wowed a little. It was one of those I wrote during my "blank head" moments when I really had nothing to say but still blogged just to have something to say coz its my page anyway and whoever "passes by" to read it is just "passing by" and wouldnt really give it much attention or care so much to make a fuss out of any nonsense I may be saying. Or i thought so...


As I browsed through the other featured "bad" blogs he had, I was struck with annoyance. I was pissed not merely by the fact that I had one blog included there (or maybe more, I didn't check) but because I thought this guy should be minding his own business. He shouldn't be doing that. Its a total lack of respect for other people's viewpoints and maybe even writing abilities. People's standards with regards to what is a bad blog and what isn't differ but he doesn't care about that because maybe it gives him a certain feeling of elation to be able to insult others in some way. He finds what he does funny. He thinks he's cool. Poor guy. But since our blogs are open to the public, i guess they are open to be included in his collection as well. I dont think we can do anything about that. And if we contact him to protest, maybe it would make him feel a lot happier. Maybe he has some insecurity issues or something.


My blogs represent my different moods in various moments. I am not a bad writer. I dont need to write knee-jerk quips just to be praised. I dont blog to insult others. And I am not posting entries to be insulted either. I am writing what my head gives me at the moment. I can post the lamest, cheesiest, most annoying, most boring, most incoherent, out-of-this-world, craziest, stupidest, silliest, longest, shortest blog entry I can write and anyone who has a problem with it surely has a mental problem.


Happy New Year!





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About minding our own monkeys

There’s a little part of my brain that speaks to itself. Or so I explain to myself to counter this “questionable” behaviour that I have. I have this habit of thinking out loud when I’m all alone. I don’t do it when I’m in a public place or if I’m with anyone—just when I’m all by myself.


I don’t even tell myself not to do it when I’m around people. The habit just seems to automatically shut off. It amazes me because I have a friend who does the same thing, but she does it everywhere. She can’t control it. She does it in the fast food queues when were waiting for our turns to order. She used to it when we were taking our exams in school. She would snap into it even in the middle of a conversation as if she suddenly fell into her own world. She does it in every situation that requires thinking or decision-making. And she does it loud enough for another person to hear and think that her bolts might be going unscrewed.


I tell her that I find that habit of hers funny. I also admitted to her that if I didn’t happen to know her, I’d surely think she’s some weirdo who’s a definite candidate for a mental asylum lock-up. But I definitely do know that is not true. We would just laugh about it but she would tell me she doesn’t really care what people think anymore. She used to do it as a child when there was nobody to talk to. It’s a habit she cannot seem to outgrow and she just lets it overcome her everyday of her life, “like making her brain her best friend and talking to it without any care about what other people would think or say”. It seems like she has made it a “de-stressing” habit. I see it as a sort of a “release” or well, maybe I can call it liberation. It’s like telling other people, “Back off! I’m using my own brains now and if you can’t do the same, mind your own beeswax!”


I’m sure she’s not the only person on earth who does the same thing. Well, “mental patients” really do that and would blab about whatsoever. But I’m sure there are those who are really just plain “thinking out loud to themselves”—in public. I’ve never really given this much thought before but I used to scoff at people who do this. I would, as anyone’s probable initial reaction, think they are just too weird and are about to attack the persons to their immediate surroundings. In short, unfair as I am to judge them like that, I conclude that they’re probably crazy.


Then I realized I actually do the same thing sometimes. I don’t do it with an audience, but I still do talk to myself. Sometimes, in the middle of doing it, I’d feel a bit silly but I wouldn’t really mind because I know I’m not crazy. Even if I talk to myself all day, I wouldn’t stand in front of the mirror to turn my nose up at myself. I know it’s just normal to think out loud.
I was in a bit of a struggle trying to find my point on reflecting upon this. I think I have found it now. There are things we do that most people would not understand or would find weird or crazy. It’s not just thinking out loud or talking to ourselves. It could also be things like wanting to be alone or not talking. We may not be able to explain to them our reasons for doing these things or sometimes, we’re not given the chance. Sometimes too, we don’t think it’s worth the effort to explain or we simply just don’t care what they say or think.


If I didn’t know my friend well, I would probably find her different too and even judge her unfit of my company. I know it’s harsh. I’m glad I know her story.


You might not like a person for being “weird”, but that person surely has a story. The story could be inspiring or heart-wrenching or uninteresting to you, but it could be something big to that person. So unless you know it, it’s best not to judge. Unless the person really suddenly attacks or starts to pull someone’s hair, it’s better to look at him as another normal human being. You should still be as careful and vigilant as you can be or want to, but its best to learn how to mind your own business in moments that call for it.

The Story of The Big, Hairy Spider On My Shower Curtain

I hate spiders. Its common knowledge. But today was a more special day to be have an encounter with one. I groggily walked to my bathroom and there it was!!! On my shower curtain!!! A big, hairy spider hanging out peacefully. And as i got my first goosebumps for the day, I lost all inclination to remain all-groggy as I initially planned.


I stared at it for a moment, gathering strength and courage to get ready for an attack. I watched and it was just so still. But I was thinking maybe its a defense tactic or something. And when Im the one not moving, it would suddenly jump right at my nose!!! I held on to my slipper tight... but I couldnt move. THoughts filled my head. And I remembered the story of the wasp and the spider... which I dont really completely remember. I also remembered Robert Fulghum's reminder to try to look at things from the spider's point of view. I remembered all stories related to the spider. Inside my head, I tried to form my own story and even write a complete essay about the logic of its existence.


Hmmm... the spider's point of view... Well, it must have thought, "Why is this weird huge creature staring at me with a slipper on her hand?"... In other days, I would have just called my brother to kill it immediately and dispose of its lifeless body. But today was different. I thought first.


I thought of all the reasons why I am scared of this hairy thing. WHy? Its not even bigger than my palm!!! This is just one of the things that annoy me about myself!


I stared at it one last time. I wanted to kill it but my fear was still there. I decided not to do anything with it and just try to go on with my usual morning activities.


But my dad did it anyways... He killed it. Maybe it was sort of like an instinct. Dad's still my hero.

Insurmountable Courage

This is what I badly need these days...

The worrywarts of today...

...are still the worrywarts of tomorrow!!!


Thats the biggest thing I learned for today! Im exhausted and in the middle of it all, I realized one thing--the same people who kept on whining to me the other day were the same people who annoyed me to the brim with a different series of worries and complaints today. What the heck?! Life's too short to spend on too much grumbling and worrying. Its okay to do it sometimes but everyday? Whoa! That's just hopeless. Time flies, I dont think its wise to spend them all that way. The best thing to do is to find solutions to whatever bites us every waking minute of our lives.


So please, worrywarts, off my pants!!! Take a deep breath and take it easy! Have fun or you'll get a real bad stiff neck and hyperacidity!!! :-P

My Pop Star Stint

I always knew I'm not meant to be a pop superstar but everyone seems to keep insisting that I should try my luck at it (Hello??? I dont look Britney-ish!!!). So ok, today I auditioned for a Pop Idol kinda' thing. I was actually not qualified for it because they needed 15-21 year olds and I knew that beforehand but I still filled out the forms and performed anyways. I guess the audition masters didnt notice it at first. Anyhow, they said I performed well except that they can't let me advance to the next stage because of the age rule. I told my friend Erik about it (he's notorious for mocking me about all the stupid things I do) and well, yes he did mock me!!! He was like, "What could be worse than that?" For me, I don't think there was anything wrong with that. It may be a bit corny but its not shameful at all. In fact, I'm glad I tried it coz it was such an experience. And I really enjoyed today! It was sort of like making my mom and my friends' long-time dream for me come true. They've always wanted me to try these things out and I did. I'm happy. :)




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Bamfoozled

I am a nutcase. But then again, I know I dont have to say that because it's common knowledge. But here's my head again...so overflowing with confusion. If someone would put some kind of a monitor that would show a graphical presentation of how my trail of thoughts go, it would be something like a fluctuating line that go straight at some points and then off to different directions and off the track at most...


There are just so many things I wanna do with my life. And i can't decide what to do first... And its like theres too much waiting to be done in most parts as well. Ugh... waiting is just the toughest part. But its God's way of teaching people to be still I guess...coz we need it to grow and learn important stuff like that thing they call patience (which you cant buy in stores). I wish that as my butt is still, my mind can do the same even for just a few seconds coz no matter how I try to quit thinking, i just think and think and think. Now I kinda miss the "blank wall" moments where I would just stare without much on my mind. But nevertheless, I'm thankful that my mind's not being idle. It's always active and kicking... and causing me to do "nutcasey" activities like teaching my dog how to sing...


Aaaargh, my head is swamped. Thats about it.





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